Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pantry Fog & Pet Loss Grief

Monday I took my kitty to the vet for the last time and said goodbye. I'm still second guessing that decision and remembering the last few seconds of her life and watching the light go out of her scared eyes. It has not been a happy time here. I keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye. I had a dream about her last night and she was not the thin sick kitty she had become. She was the fat, spunky, silky fur ball from a few months ago. Some part of me thinks that I can fix my grief by immediately adopting a kitten who seems exactly like her. But that is not an option as Hubby really(!) doesn't want another pet. I've been through this before with two of my dogs and I know the grief eventually goes away but the love and affection stay. It will just take a little while to get to that part.

I've been fighting two of my major stress relievers. Eating tons of junk food and shopping for pleasure are so appealing to me when I'm emotional. At first I had to remind myself that food is not a cure for grief nor is it a shoulder to cry on. Food is simply fuel for our bodies. That was difficult to think about when all I wanted to do was crawl into a box of donuts.
And I've been trying my best to stay out of any store unless I have a need to buy something specific. We have too much clutter already and I would like to see our stagnant checking account numbers rise.

So far this week I have shopped at Aldi and spent $11 on staples and snacks for preschool. Yesterday I succumbed to my desire to shop and went into a new Dollar Tree. I spent $27 on toys for my kids, party favors, and groceries. This particular store has a small freezer section. I found a big bag of Green Giant white shoepeg corn and a bag of frozen blueberries. I'll go back again when I need to grocery shop.

As far as the pantry challenge goes I am committed to finishing the month and going into February. My in-laws will be here on the 10th so I will have to shop for them. Even though I didn't stick to just eating from my pantry I think I did a pretty good job of eating from our pantry so far. I think we've saved money.

Breakfast- veggie sausages and banana slices
Lunch- Soup, cheese and crackers for me and little guy. Hubby has leftovers. Big Girl is buying today (cheese pizza day)
Dinner- Pickle burger using old homemade pickles, a box of augratin potatoes I found in the pantry, green beans from the freezer, french bread that's in the bread machine right now. A chocolate pudding pie using things I found in the pantry.


jonceramic said...

I love you, baby. You're the best.

Robbin said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong and keep doing the great job you're doing!

Amy said...

I'm sorry about your kitty. :(

Ruthie said...

You're doing an amazing job! I totally feel ya in the "Food will make me feel good" attitude. The first few bites always do. Maybe think of other endorphin releasers -- massive decluttering, finishing unfinished tasks, exercise, cuddling. If that fails, escapism through starting new projects and fiction (books on tape) work for me. :-)

What's silly is that food is the thing that always gets messed up for me first, sometimes before I even REALIZE I'm upset about something, I automatically reach out for junk. I've been doing that recently, and need to follow my own advice.