No, I'm not okay.

We started a long weekend getaway in Austin, Texas on Thursday. Saturday morning at 7 am Hubby's phone rang and as soon as I heard my Mother's sad voice I knew my Dad was gone.

My Dad has been sick for the last decade- tuberculosis, seizures, kidney failure, heart problems, a stroke, etc. The man was ill for a long time. And very ill for the last few years. So, I can't say that his passing was a surprise to anyone although I didn't expect it would happen so quickly. Before I left on our little trip I even half jokingly asked my Mother to keep my Dad alive while we were gone. That goes on the list of things I wish I'd never said.

We left a day early from our trip and came home yesterday and I was on the road to my Mom's house less than an hour after getting home. Today I helped my Mom plan my Father's funeral.
No, I am not okay.

I will be the first to say that I did not have a perfect relationship with my Father. But, I have always been his little girl and a part of me still thinks of him as my Daddy. Even though I knew for a long time that this was inevitable it doesn't make it easier and it doesn't hurt less. The only thing I know for sure is that his suffering is finally over.

No, I'm not okay. But, I will be.