News with Lots of *Asterisks*

(My family in June on the Mark Twain riverboat in Hannibal, Mo)

*I am having a blissful week with my babies before they are sent back to their grandparents. This is our second day of just hanging around the house. I like it!

*My Mom had her first day of cancer treatment. I know the outlook is bleak for someone with Stage 4 Mucinous Adenocarcinoma of the colon but we have hope. I will say it again- WE HAVE HOPE!

*We're still working on summer homeschooling although I've only managed it twice this week. My sons handwriting is so much better now. Hopefully he will be ready for all that writing he will have to do in Kindergarten (next month, yikes!)

*I am finishing up my back to school shopping for the kiddos. I pretty much just need one new outfit for my daughter for the first day and a few pairs of pants for my son. I found pull up jeans online at Sears for him that I may buy as he has problems with snaps and buttons.

*A lot of their "new" clothes came from garage sales and thrift stores that I've hit up here and there this summer. Last week I lucked into a quarter clothing sale at a thrift store on the way to my Mom's house. I bought a new outfit for myself, two shirts and a pair of Tommy Hillfiger capris for my daughter, and a pair of shorts for my son.

*I finally have a green tomato on my tomato plants. Way back last spring I bought an organic tomato and it was so good I kept a few seeds to plant. It took forever for them to flower so I just assumed they were a lost cause and forgot about them. I was happy when I noticed them flowering. I started cherry tomato seeds in a pot on my window to replace them with and now I'll have to find a new place to put my tall cherry babies. I wonder if they'd grow in our bathroom like our lantana does.

*I think I waited to long to take my tub of summer clothes to the resale shop. I think I'll try it soon anyway just in case. I guess it wouldn't hurt to clean out the hall closet and see if I can find an outgrown jacket or two.

*I just finished the book I've been reading for a few weeks, White Mountain Brides. I guess technically it's considered a christian romance novel but I mostly loved reading about the daily lives of three pioneer women living in 1689. I'm going to be posting it on paperbackswap.com to share.

*I've got to go make dinner now. I've been doing that here and there lately. Tuesday night I made a tofu stir fry. Last night I picked up a $5 Little Caesars because I had a throbbing head ache (I used a movie ticket stub and scored free bread sticks though). But, tonight I've found things in the freezer to bake plus I made a peach crisp. It's a little like life is back to normal. At least this week anyway.

My life is on fire & other news

Until further notice, my children and dog will be staying with my in-laws in another state. I am missing them terribly. But, I'm on the road to see my Mom so much that it just makes sense.
The final diagnosis is Stage 4 colon cancer. Standard medical practice would be to dope my Mom up with chemo in hopes of prolonging her life for a few months. We want something better than that so we're going to an alternative cancer treatment clinic sometime soon. My hopes are high but I feel so pulled in every direction. I'm alternating between feeling glad I don't have a job so I can be with her when she needs me and feeling highly put upon because everyone assumes because I don't have a paying job that I don't actually have anything else going on in my life. And also again? I really miss my kids.

I had the morning free so I ran to a few garage sales by myself. The sun was shining and it was wonderful to forget all the bad stuff for an hour or two. I stocked up on Polly Pockets and little toys to surprise my kids with when they come home again. Plus, I filled a trash bag with kids clothes for five dollars. Now I've got to go shovel out my daughter's room and maybe get rid of some of her stuff before I put in the new. I've also got to inventory and see what I need to get for back to school time while I have the chance.

Where I Quit Bothering With Bothering

Showering, paying serious attention to housework, doing any major parenting jobs.... pfflllllptttt.

I am in a small pit. Not really despairing. Mostly trying not to think about stuff by not doing stuff.

Any minute now I will jump off of this couch and start a load of laundry and make food for the kids. Any minute now.

If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Brother

I went to Mom's last Thursday to take her to her Dr. appointments. The doctor who did her surgery didn't seem to register her complaint about bad pain in her shoulder. On Friday we saw the oncologist. She didn't have good news for us. We're being referred to another oncologist in St. Louis. That will be easier for me since I won't have to travel so much though. But, the oncologist did take Mom's shoulder pain seriously and had her scanned in the office. Long story short, my Mom is in the hospital for a few more days getting doses of antibiotics to kill the abscesses that came from her surgery. Those abscesses could have killed her and I'm so glad that at least one of the doctor's was paying attention.

I'm home again with the kiddos for a few days. I hated to leave Mom in the hospital but I really needed to come home for a few days before I go back again. My kid need some normalcy and I can't do anything for her in the hospital. Plus, I cannot stand being at my Mom's house when she's not there. I love my brothers dearly but for all intents and purposes they live with my Mom (they have their own houses, don't ask). And one of my brothers is a huge slob with two nasty little dogs that literally urinate all over my Mom's house. He takes them on the road with him when he's he's got a load to haul but I just did not want to stay there with my kids in that mess. I love him but I got enough of cleaning up after him when I lived at home. I got my Mom's bedroom ready and all her clothes washed and put away for when she comes home.

Also, understandably my Mother's outlook on life has turned more than a little sour. But, she's so angry and snappish that I almost don't recognize her. I love her but it's hard for me to be around her for long stretches of time because she's so hateful. She apologizes afterwards but I keep wondering where my sweet Mom went. I feel like I've already lost her.

That's enough for today.

Keep Calm And Carry On

I'm not going to lie and say there weren't a few days last week that I wasn't a complete mess. Plus, I had a horrible cold and couldn't go see my Mom in the hospital for fear of making her even sicker. I spent too much money on FTD and sent her flowers/food since I couldn't visit. She's home now. (FTD btw has lousy service. I will go local next time.)

Hubby worked from home with the kiddos here so I could go by myself to see her on Monday. We worked a little on cleaning up some clutter in her room. She's wanting to declutter now if case the worst case scenario happens and my brothers and I are left me with a whole house to clean up. I took two bags of clothes to the Goodwill. The kids and I are going to stay with her soon and do some more work. We find out on Friday what her prognosis and possible treatment plan will be.
I'm praying for the best possible outcome but she's already assumed she's dying. This isn't her first bout with cancer as she was a DES baby and went thru radiation when I was two. I'm struggling with the idea of being an orphan even though I'm 38. Maybe it would be easier if I weren't so close to my Mom. Also, I worry about how my two older brothers will take her death. Neither one have families of their own.
Anyway, life has been full of stress here. Hubby's work travel just picked up quite a bit so I can only lean on him so much for support.
I can't say I've been doing much in the way of frugality. I just don't care right now. The kids and I are happy to spend our days vegging around the house and doing bit of work here and there. They've been really good kids lately and have been really great to be around.
I took this picture this morning as they did their worksheets. I only make them do about 45 minutes worth of work every morning so they haven't been too whiny. I love hearing their little pencils scratch across the page.

I've decided that worrying about what's going to happen is pointless. I need to worry about what's going on today and take of care what needs to be taken care of right now. It's all out of my control anyway. So, I'll make my kids some cookies and I'll check out that book that I've been wanting to read from the library. God knows what's going on and has a plan for us. I've got to surrender.

Maybe if I whisper it, it won't be true

my mom has cancer.

What's For Dinner: Black Olive Stuffed Crust Pizza

My husband was away for work last night. So, I splurged and ordered a pizza loaded with black olives from Pizza Hut because the kids and I love it. So, now you know what's for lunch today too. I love cold stuffed crust pizza.