Missing the 'hunt' etc... and a special rant just for you.

I have to keep reminding myself that I am on a buying hiatus.
I keep thinking of things to buy.

Like those Mary Janes.

I spent fifteen minutes on ebay looking at shoes and then decided that we could make do with what my daughter already has.

I have also been thinking for awhile that my son needs a cd/cassette player in his room so I can play him lullabies like I do for his sister. Instead I put a bug in my husband's ear to see what he can come up with. He's cheaper than I am most of the time and he may have something that will work. He collects that kind of thing.

So far today I have only spent .60 in library fines. I figure it was worth it instead of making a special trip to the library and wasting extra gas.

I check out Alexandra Stoddard's Creating a Beautiful Home book and a few cds to keep me occupied. Maybe it will inspire me to make do with what I have instead of having the urge to 'hunt' for what I feel I am lacking. I am certain there must be some emotional need I temporarily fill by shopping. Is it boredom or loneliness? Frustrations of motherhood?

And the library wasn't much of a haven for me as it usually is. Our library is tiny and no one really makes an effort to keep their voices down which is fine with me since I have noisy kids.
But, today as I was trying to simultaneously read the August edition of Mary Hunt's Cheapskate Monthly and read board books to my son (my daughter was in a storytime session) I got to overhear two other Mom's conversation. They were going over the pages of one of the US Weekly or some other similar magazine and discussing what was wrong with all of the celebrities bodies. "I can't believe how fat her thighs are." etc. etc.
And while I normally try to keep a pretty open mind about things today it just really got to me. Me sitting there next to them, in my everyday mom clothes.. old capris and last years new shirt. No make up on because there was no time this morning. And feeling drained, overweight, tired and a bit sad. It was just too much. Is there any escape from the pressure to be better than you are? To make people think you have a perfect life?

Anyway, my husband came back last night around midnight. He's at work right now but he'll be home for dinner. We all cope when he's gone but it takes a toll.
But, no rest for me yet.
I have meals to plan, a house to clean, a sad 4 year old to snuggle.

Back to the grind, my wonderful grind.