Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Our offer has been accepted and except for the final inspections, it looks like we're getting a new house in a month. So, I have a month in which to try to use up all the food in the house before we have to start moving. I'm still buying milk, eggs, and fresh fruit but I that's about it. We'll still eat out occasionally too. Because we can and because we like it. Today we've had- Scratch blueberry pancakes with banana slices and honey Yogurt Popcorn Apple slices and peanut butter dip Tonight we're having Biscuits and Gravy and orange slices. My next pantry will be half the size of our current one. So, I really want to eat as much as we can from our stores. We'll be eating lots of baked goods since I have so many mixes and flours and frozen fruit purees. Oh darn. If I remember correctly I seem to think that pantry challenge eating is pretty yummy.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
We put an offer on a house we like. The house is a lot smaller than our current two story house. And that is both a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because it will be easier for me to clean, cheaper to heat, etc. It's a bad thing because we need to get rid of a lot of stuff and fast. My goal is to cull 50% of what we own. And since I need to see small bits of the big picture or I'll be overwhelmed my idea is to take each drawer, each shelf, each bit of this and that and reduce the amount by half. The worst part will be deciding which piece of furniture to keep and what to toss. We'll have about three less rooms in our new house so that's a lot of furniture to part with. Knowing that we're probably moving has definitely put a pin in my need to acquire consumer goods too. I automatically delete any emails that detail free shipping and percent off coupon codes and toss any catalogs in the recycling bin. Maybe God put this new job and house in our plans because he knew we needed a fresh start and a distraction from all the sadness. I don't know as yet if this is a blessing or a bane. We'll find out. But right now all I can think about is toss and donate and garage sales and not buying anything.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Hubby starts a new job tomorrow that includes an hour long commute each way. I'll be the first person to admit that I am not great at being a single parent. And my children definitely benefit from having their Dad be an active participant in their everyday lives. So, we're thinking about moving. We found a house we like. And we'll probably make an offer in a few days. For me, moving is up there with having ten pound triplets via natural childbirth or having millions of toothpicks jammed under my toenails while juggling razor blades and being forced to listen to James Taylor. The last time we moved I became so depressed I was near suicidal. I'm terrified of that happening again. So yeah, not a fan of the moving. The one person who I really need to talk to is my Mom. I spent Mother's Day cleaning out my Mom's closet and dressers for Goodwill and placing my stillborn son's ashes by my parent's headstone. I guess today was as good a day as any for it. Mother's Day was going to stink this year anyway. Yeah, I'm being maudlin. But, I'm trying damn hard to make sense of the mess that has landed in front of me. I'm still finding a reason to smile everyday. I'm still trying to make everything work. Because I can't just lay down and die. But, I'm angry that life is so hard right now. I'm angry that I still have to put one foot in front of the other when inside I'm screaming. I'm angry that no one seems to know how driftless I feel without parents. How close to my own mortality I feel with no one else standing in the death line in front of me. I'm it. I'm the only parent I have left. I choose to keep going on because I have a family of my own who needs me. But, damned if I'm not completely angry right now about how much all of this sucks. I still count my blessings. I still know that so much else could be going wrong in our lives right now. My children could be sick. We could be facing foreclosure or unemployment. We could be going to bed hungry every night. I know I am blessed. I just miss my Mom. Everything is changing and I can't find my balance on the shifting sand. Maybe tomorrow will be better.